Can't Get There From Here
by Rebecca Keys
Summary: The brothers spend an afternoon with a game of ZapBots III, which quickly devolves into playful bickering. But when one insult strikes a nerve, their relationship takes several bizarre turns before disembarking somewhere completely unexpected. Z/C


i **Preliminary Notes: **

Hello, All, and welcome to a small corner of one of my favorite fandoms, the _Suite Life on Deck_! I noticed that there weren't nearly enough Zack/Cody fics out there that take place during the second television series, and that's a real shame. For one thing, Zack and Cody are noticeably older on the show, and as a result we are provided weekly with wonderfully canon snapshots of what Zack and Cody look like as awkward, relationship-obsessed teenagers. For another thing, Dylan and Cole are becoming better and better actors as time goes on, which gives authors like **moi** more material to work with when trying to figure out how to write their characters.

Disclaimer: The brothers **cough!**lovers**cough!** described herein belong, _alas_, to Disney. All insanity belongs to me.

Warning: This story contains slash. The word 'twincest' makes me cringe, but strictly speaking, that _is_ where this story is headed—for better, or for worse. So, if this sort of thing just isn't your kink, feel free to press the 'back button' and pretend it doesn't exist. If, however, you adore the oddly canon Z/C dynamic as much as I do and are itching for a good romance… step right this way!

* * *

"Aaah! Take _that_, Vorbotron!"

Cody's body reared back, the controller clenched tightly in his fists as his thumbs manipulated the keypad furiously. His cheeks had long gone slack from anxiety, and his lips were slightly parted. Next to him on the couch, Zack bounced in place, torso leaning forward in his eagerness and resembling a torpedo seconds from exploding. He had a crazy grin stretched unnaturally beneath across his cheeks and a manic look in his eye.

"ALMOST!" Zack screamed, and Cody jumped.

"Jesus, Zack. Don't DO that."

"What? Ah, ah! No you don't!" Zack tilted violently to the right, his body mimicking the actions of his character on the screen. Zack's hands were vibrating in his excitement. "GOD, we're so close, Cody, I can TASTE IT."

Cody eyed his brother in amusement. "I think you might be taking this thing a bit too seriously."

"NEVER!" Zack flicked his keypad furiously, causing his warrior to completely flip out, his blade SWOOSH-ing and slicing through evil villains faster than the eye could keep track. Zack's warrior made another bold backflip, right over the tips of one tall minion's blade. "HAHA!" Zack giggled.

"Watch your health bar, Zack!" Cody ordered. He cringed on his brother's behalf as Zack continued to laugh maniacally. "And stop acting like such a _loon_. It only makes you look foolish."

Zack snickered. "Look who's talking! Who the hell says '_loon_' anymore?"

It was early Saturday afternoon. The twins were having one of their rare, _mano a mano_, video game bonding moments while their mother was out of town on a lunch date.

They'd just beaten level fifty-four, with only two levels remaining until the final confrontation with Vorbotron, the most Evil of all Robot Demons—and, more importantly, the end of the game. At the moment they were attempting to infiltrate Vorbotron's evil lair.

They were also surrounded by annoying bot-minions, and there looked to be little hope of making it out alive.

Meanwhile, Zack's health was significantly diminished. Cody winced in sympathy as a minion slashed his brother in the face, and tried to maneuver his warrior to fight off the minions immediately surrounding Zack's own. He managed to knock out quite a few, but the bots just kept coming.

A few more minutes in, and the tide of the battle was _finally_ starting to turn (Cody eventually figured out how to get the minions to stop regenerating—_X-Y-start-start-circle-square_) when suddenly a trap door opened and a dozen fire-breathing bot destroyers joined the battle. Zack let loose a string of his choicest swears, and the twins watched in horror as a charging minion struck the fatal blow, slicing Zack in two. The sad little warrior keeled over in virtual pain, and then disappeared in a POOF of pixels and cheery .

"Oh no— Zack, that's it, I don't think you have any more--"

"No Cody, trust me, I know what I'm doing. I GOT THEM _RIGHT_ WHERE I WANT THEM."

The game screen went black.

"What? NOOOOO!" Zack slid off the couch and onto the floor, and started hobbling toward the TV screen on hands and knees, blubbering.

"--lives," Cody finished. He rolled his eyes at his brother's antics and set down his controller.

The words GAME OVER blinked once, twice, and three times across the game screen. Zack was tracing the words with a sweaty finger, a look of absolute despair twisting his features. Cody resisted the urge to laugh. Even though Zack did look rather silly.

"Zack, stop molesting the television set."

Zack slunk back to the couch, moaning all the while and smacking his forehead repeatedly. "Damnit-- Stupid! Stupid!" When that failed, he smacked Cody's forehead.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"Don't you 'Ow' me!" Zack whined. "This is all your fault."

Cody raised an eyebrow sarcastically. "Oh yes, _my_ bad. I forgot you had him '_right where you wanted him_'.

Zack gave him a _look_. "See, its attitudes like that which explain why you have no friends."

"No, its attitudes like _that _which explain why you can't hold down a girlfriend_._" He glared.

Zack remained unfazed. "Well, where were you when I needed you? You were supposed to _back me up_ in there, not leave me to fight off bot-minions all by myself."

"Hello, I _was_ backing you up; or did you not notice the tide of broken evil minion body parts trailing in my wake?" Cody shook his head, then used the remote to cut the power to the TV. He sighed and cracked open a can of coca cola to distract himself.

"You know, I shouldn't yell at you so much, dear brother." Zack was looking at him with something akin to true remorse. Cody fought the urge to roll his eyes. Zack patted Cody's shoulder comfortingly. "After all, it's not your fault God gave you the reflexes of a walnut."

Cody wisely ignored him and took another sip, quite ready to change the subject. But as he glanced at Zack's end of the couch he was met with a magnificent pout, complete with plump little puppy-dog lips and big sad eyes. Zack was wringing his hands.

"I'm so _sowwee_, Coedeee!"

Cody snorted. Some of his drink went up his nose, and quite a lot of it spilled into his lap. When he could speak, he managed a scowl. "Really, Zack?"

At this Zack's lower lip began to wobble, and his whole face scrunched up into a terrible imitation of shame and remorse. The image was so ridiculous Cody couldn't help himself, and he dissolved into fits of giggling. Zack joined him, slapping his knee appreciatively. Between breaths, he bit out, "You sound like a h... _horse_, Codes."

Cody had been in the midst of another sip, but at this he spurted the drink violently back out, setting Zack off again. Cody had to go fetch a towel from the kitchen to mop the spilled soda, and he glared the whole way back as Zack continued to snicker at his expense. Cody couldn't hold the sour act for long, however.

"Fine! I give up already. You win."

He sat down beside his brother, smiling despite himself. It was hard, sometimes, to stay mad at Zack.

"You know," Zack said softly, when they had both calmed down somewhat. "It's actually… kind of nice to get to do this again with you."

Cody looked at his brother, surprised at Zack's serious tone. Eventually, though he nodded. "I know what you mean. I missed this too." He watched as Zack tried to get comfortable against the sofa cushions, and shook his head.

"When was the last time we got to play together? Two summers ago? Three" Cody rotated his torso so he could lie back against an armrest, sliding down until his feet rested just inches from Zack's lap.

"Dunno. Must have been." Zack twisted his lips, forming something like a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Cody frowned.

"You okay, man?"

Zack made a face. "Fine… I guess I'm just missing the good old days." He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. "Well, _that_, and Maddie _Fitzpatrick_." He whistled loudly. "Speaking of which, hot damn. You see her bussing the tables over at the Café this morning? She was _smokin'_."

Cody rolled his eyes for Zack's sake, but privately he was relieved. _This _was a Zack he knew how to handle.

"Crude... very crude. But yes. I can't believe Maddie still works here. Although I did notice her promotion. I just hope she's liking her job as a waitress better than she liked being a candy counter girl. At least it pays better." Cody took a sip of his coke. "It looks like she's moving up in the world. Unlike some people I might mention." He shook his finger at Zack in mock disapproval. His face brightened. "No, wait, it all makes sense now. The emotional scars she gathered from being the object of _your_ insidious lust for so many years must have put Maddie off candy forever."

Zack smiled proudly. "What can I say?" He leaned back with a sly smile held up an arm, clenching his bicep. "The _sweet_ memory of my charms and dashing good looks must have been too much for her to handle." Zack struck a few more poses, making Cody laugh.

After a while, Zack's expression grew somewhat serious once again.

"But let's talk for realsies. D'you think Maddie was lonely here without us?"

Cody considered it. "Probably not, she's a big girl. Either way we should probably still go and say hi to her. She'll be mad enough as it is once she finds out we've been here for three days and haven't gone to see her yet." Cody paused mid-sip. "Come to think of it, I'm surprised _you're_ not over there harassing her right now. What's the matter?" He laughed at Zack's defensive scowl. "Did Maddie finally get a restraining order?"

"Don't be a dork. I just didn't want to greet her without you, and you've been busy the past few days catching up with your nerdlinger friends." Zack examined his fingers, not meeting Cody's questioning gaze. His voice was oddly gruff. "Don't be so jealous, just because she doesn't want you."

Cody scoffed. "As if."

Zack crossed his legs. "_Anyway_, I'm playing it cool. Wouldn't want to overwhelm her all at once." He smirked. "She's still trying to convince herself she _isn't_ completely in love with me."

Cody's heart skipped a beat, his chest feeling uncomfortably tight. He looked down at the label on his soda can accusingly. _Too much caffeine. Definitely_.

Seeing Zack's relaxed, confident pose annoyed Cody for some reason. It wouldn't normally bother Cody, but he didn't like the smug expression on his brother's face at all.

"You know, it's amazing that you're still completely delusional, even after all these years." Zack raised an eyebrow. Cody continued, picking up steam. "You do realize Maddie was never really in love with you, right? That was just _you_." He looked away. "It was actually kind of pathetic, to be honest."

Zack glowered, but didn't respond right away. In fact, it was so unexpected that he was struck momentarily dumb. Zack never took an insult sitting down.

"You were always _calling_ her, buying _candy_ for her—even though she worked at a _candy bar_. Acting like a sexist dork."

Cody got up and padded over to the fridge to see what else there was to drink. Preferably decaf-- his heart was still feeling a little off.

"Of course, you've _always_ acted like a sexist dork around women, so that's no surprise. But it's still hard to believe you really thought all those lame pick up lines and 'hey, _sweet thangs!_' would work on Maddie." Cody rummaged around and withdrew two of their mother's diet caffeine-free cokes, before making his way back to the couch.

He reseated himself and held the two sodas in his lap comfortably. "I even felt bad for you, sometimes, you know? After all, she was independent, sweet—not to mention _way_ too smart to fall for your tricks." He paused, dramatically, quoting one of Zack's favorite cop-out apologies. "No offense." He hoped he'd made his point. Zack could be a jerk all he wanted, but someday he was going to have to sit down and face the music. Zack and Maddie? Pfft. It would be a cold day in hell before that happened.

He popped open one of the cans with a _hissss_, and placed it on the table in front of Zack, turning to address him. But Cody froze as he noticed the mutinous storm clouds brewing in his brother's eyes. Zack's knuckles had gone white from where they clenched the armrest.

Cody's eyes widened. He hadn't meant to make his brother upset. "… Hello? Earth to Zack?" He leaned toward him, waving a hand in front of his face. "Are you okay?" No answer. Cody offered the soda to his brother with a small, meek smile, but Zack ignored the gesture. "I got you a drink, by the way. Here. I know you're on a diet, so I made sure it was sugar-free."

Cody reached out to tap Zack's shoulder, but before he could make contact Zack jumped up and wheeled around to face him. Cody reared back mid-prod and stared up with concern at the hurt in Zack's eyes. "Zack?"

"I get it, Cody! Alright? Just leave me alone." Cody flinched. "After all, what could someone smart, and nice, and _sweet_ ever want with a fat, stupid _loser_ like me?" Cody stared.

"No... I don't-- _Zack_--"

"Shut up! I said I _get it_ already. I'm not studious, I don't get good grades; I get detention, like, every day. Heck, I've probably been grounded more times than anyone on the _planet_." Zack's face twisted. "Is that what you thought I needed to hear, Cody? Well, newsflash, I already knew all that." He glared at Cody, who shrank back guiltily. He opened his mouth to speak, but Zack interjected before he could.

"_No. _I don't want to hear a word from you." Zack crossed his arms and hunched forward slightly. Cody just stared at him, at a complete loss for words. His brother's face was pink from embarrassment. "I know I'm dumb. I just don't know why you feel the need to go and rub it in my _face_."

Cody could do nothing but sit in his own, gazing wordlessly as Zack left the couch to plop down cross-legged on the ground all the way on the other side of the room. Cody itched to go and comfort his brother, but he didn't know what he should do. He wasn't used to being on this side of the equation. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Zack this upset, and certainly not on account of him.

"I've never been able to measure up to anyone, Cody, at least not where it counts. I'm all bluff and no game."

Cody gaped at him disbelievingly. "Hold on—_what_? Zack, what the hell are you talking about?" He crossed the room and placed a hand on his brother's arm, only to have Zack shrug it away angrily.

"Zack… listen to me. Everything you just said—it's all nonsense." Cody hesitated, not liking the way his brother scowled at his words. "You get what I mean?"

"Oh yes, I get it—everything I say to you is _nonsense_."

Cody threw up his hands, exasperated. "_No_. You really _aren't_ getting it!"

"Like hell I'm not!" Zack yelled, his face flushed. Cody flinched, then glared at his brother.

"Would you quit yelling at me for _one minute_ and LISTEN?"

Zack glared right back, but kept his mouth shut. Cody waited for another outburst, and when none came reached once again for Zack's shoulder. This time Zack permitted the contact, though his muscles were very tense and his expression nowhere near welcoming.

Cody kneeled down next to him anyway, and jostled his arm lightly. "_Zacky_, please."

Zack's eyes widened. Cody hadn't called him _that_ since they were six—since before dad left. To hear it again after so many years triggered something deep within him that he didn't want to analyze. He looked Cody in the eye reluctantly. "...fine. What?"

"Okay, first off-- you are _not_ fat."

That startled Zack. "Huh?"

"Who knows where you got _that_ idea, honestly. You're in _way_ better shape than I am." Cody smiled wearily. "You're not stupid, either."

Zack looked away again, uncomfortable. "Yeah, right. I'm practically retarded."

Cody put his hand under Zack's chin harshly, forcing him to look him in the eye. "Don't _say_ that. You're _not_ retarded. Fact, you're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. You beat me all the time in woodshop, remember? You built a freaking grandfather clock in an hour. And you're really resourceful when you want to be. You've gotten us out of a lot of scrapes in the past."

Zack stared at him doubtfully, and Cody held his gaze, more serious than perhaps he'd ever been.

Zack gently removed his arm from Cody's grasp, and sighed.

"Look—you don't have to pretend. We both know what my future's got in store for me. You'll end up going to Harvard, or Yale—and I'll be stuck here, alone. You'll be a lawyer, or a doctor, or some amazing scientist who'll discover some _amazing_ cure for something… and I'll—I don't know, become a janitor, or something." He laughed hollowly. "_Excuse_ me, a 'sanitation engineer.'"

Cody felt sick. "You don't know that."

"You know you've been thinking it! It's what everyone thinks. How many times have people told me I'll end up in prison before I'm thirty?" Zack glanced away. "They're probably right, too. That's the worst part."

Cody couldn't believe what he was hearing. Guilt roared inside his chest, because he knew just how often he and others _had_ said those things to Zack. Hadn't Cody always talked about how he planned on spending half his savings on bail money?

How could Cody have been so ignorant about how his comments had been affecting Zack? He swallowed bile, and unpleasant taste filling his mouth. All this time Cody had viewed Zack as the bully, and he the victim. He saw now that the reality of the situation just wasn't that simple. Cody was as much to blame.

Zack may not always have been the _nicest_ brother, but he was still... _good_ to Cody. He stuck up for Cody in front of his jerk friends. And, more importantly-- he believed in Cody. Now, though, Cody wasn't so sure he deserved it.

Cody crawled to Zack's front, sitting cross-legged before him so that their knees were touching.

"Zack... I want you to know how sorry I am, for what I've said to you in the past. Mom, the others and I—we care about you too much to ever _really_ think of you like that. We believe in you." Cody hesitated, but knew his brother had to hear this.

"Zack--I believe in you. You know that, right?"

Zack shrugged.

"It's _true_. You-- you mean the world to me."

"Yeah, whatever."

Cody wracked his brains for something else he could say, but drew a blank. His brother didn't look receptive to any more pep talks. He looked like a lonely, sad little boy.

Cody couldn't stand it anymore. He grabbed Zack's hands tightly in his own. He tugged at Zack's arms.

"Hey!" Zack resisted, but when Cody tugged a third time gave in. He continued to look at Cody questioningly, but allowed his upper body to be pulled toward the Cody's chest.

Cody let go of Zack's hands in favor of wrapping his arms tightly around him. The angle was painful until Zack Cody's intentions, and sighed, uncrossing his legs so that Cody could scooch between them and hug his brother more comfortably.

Cody held Zack as closely as he could, keeping their chests pressed together, and rubbing soothing circles into the skin of Zack's back with his palms. He tried to put everything into that hug. Sometimes he wished he and Zack _were_ really telepathic.

Zack's arms hung limply at his sides, but Cody didn't mind. This was his gift to give to his brother, who was hurting, so he didn't care if Zack didn't feel up to giving it in return.

Eventually, though, and much to Cody's surprise, Zack did return it. He draped his arms loosely around Cody's back, palms coming to rest on his spine. "Thanks... Cody."

Cody's heart beat clumsily inside his chest, and Cody marveled that through his brother's chest he could feel another answering raggedly in kind. Before today, Cody had thought he knew the contents of his brother's heart nearly as well as his own; but he could see now that there was plenty to learn.

He squeezed his eyes shut. If he listened hard enough, perhaps he might finally understand what Zack's heart was really saying.

_Ba—boom. Ba—boom. Ba—ba—boom_.

Cody thought he was probably imagining it, but he thought the both of their hearts were starting to beat together. Their combined rhythms generated a kind of glowing warmth, which seeped out from between Zack's ribs and into Cody's skin. It felt-- _incredible_. Indescribably good.

Zack apparently agreed. His arms tightened around Cody almost imperceptibly, and a soft sigh issued near Cody's right ear made the back of his neck tingle.

_Perhaps too incredible_. The tingling intensified, every breath Zack released feeling like a whispered caress against Cody's skin. Cody shuddered, and bit back a moan.

His eyes snapped open, and Cody was suddenly, achingly aware of every single point of contact between Zack's skin and his. What was he _doing_? He was sitting between his brother's _legs_, for God's sake!

And why hadn't Zack pulled away?

He didn't know what to think about these sensations he was feeling—the close proximity, combined with the warm puffs of air against his ear were like a great spoon stirring up his insides.

Cody's breaths became shallower as the seconds passed; the heat between them grew until it reached an almost blinding intensity. Suddenly, it was too much. Cody pulled away, breaking the moment completely. He avoided his brother's eyes as he cleared his throat.

"Sorry… for that." Cody stood up hastily, while Zack remained seated. Cody started to offer his hand in assistance, but thought better of the gesture at the last second, canceling it abruptly. He tried to pass the motion off as an attempt to brush imaginary lint off his jeans, but he wasn't sure it worked. _Real smooth, Cody_, he berated himself. Why was he acting like such an idiot?

If Cody had been looking anywhere near his brother's face at the time, he would have seen Zack smirking. As it was, he was looking at his sneakers.

"Um," he blurted, a panic bubbling in his stomach. _Breathe_. "I hope you're feeling, you know, better now. About us. I mean, about her. About you. Actually--"

Zack quieted him with a hand on his shoulder, the touch feather light. Nevertheless, it managed to knock the wind out of Cody, at once grounding him and causing his heart to tremble. He eyed Zack's hand, which looked like it had decided to curl up and take a nap against Cody's collarbone.

When he looked back at his twin's face, Cody was startled to find him beaming. Zack looked every bit as composed and comfortable as Cody _wasn't_.

"Apology accepted, Codes. You know, I think I really do 'get it' this time."

Cody smiled. "That is a huge relief," he said, in all honesty. He was just glad that Zack had somehow remained oblivious to Cody's emotional state during their previous embrace.

As Cody watched, the grin on Zack's face grew even wider, to reveal a row of pearly whites. Something akin to satisfaction was glittering in his brother's eyes. Cody's smile wavered a bit.

Zack continued to stare at him with that odd smile for several seconds. Cody squirmed uneasily.

Cody's eyes narrowed at his brother, who abruptly turned away from him and grabbed his neglected soda, but Cody caught a flash of something—triumph?—cross Zack's face before he managed to hide it completely. Cody put his hands on his hips.

"Why are _you_ so happy?"

Zack paused, then lazily draped himself across the sofa, placing his can on the table in front of him and placed one long arm against the armrest. "Oh. No reason." He smiled up at Cody sweetly. "Why, is happiness a crime now, too?"

Cody crossed his arms in front of him, and continued to stare at his brother suspiciously. "Noooo…"

"Then… what's the problem?" Zack asked, his face the very picture of innocence. But something playful danced behind his eyes. Cody smelled impending trickery. He nervously glanced behind him, half expecting someone to come leaping out from behind the TV to yell 'Surprise!'

Zack had the nerve to laugh at him. "Twitchy little thing, aren't you?"

Cody twitched again, then glared when his brother. "HA HA _HA_. You're so hilarious, I forgot to laugh."

Zack shook his head and grabbed the remote in reply. Though his smile had lessened somewhat in intensity he was clearly still quite amused about _something_.

What that something _was_, exactly, remained a mystery. As much as he tried to ignore his brother, the possibility of being the butt of yet _another_ of Zack's schemes was getting to him. A muscle below Cody's eye twitched, and suddenly he couldn't repress the urge to poke his tongue out at him.

"_Saw_ that," Zack sniggered. "And you call me immature!"

"… Shut up."

Cody decided that the best thing would be to simply ignore his brother completely. He plopped down next to Zack, who had gone back to grinning at him, and grabbed the proffered soda.

_He looks so stupid when he does that_, Cody thought viciously. Almost immediately, he felt a prickle of guilt. Hadn't he _just_ promised he didn't think of Zack like that?

But Cody was ninety percent positive Zack was doing all this on purpose, to get his goat, and his sympathy soon faded as Zack continued to grin at him stupidly. "Would you stop _looking_ at me like that?" Cody asked sourly.

Zack did no such thing, of course, and neither did the mischief leave his eyes. Cody couldn't say he was surprised—not really.

Cody looked at the TV, rather than continue to participate in whatever stupid mind game Zack was trying to play with him. He took a sip. The soda had gone a bit too warm for Cody's tastes, but he really didn't feel like getting up again to get a new one. He took several more sips, instead concentrating on the blank television screen and tried to ignore the sensation of eyes boring into the side of his skull.

This was ridiculous. Cody grabbed the remote from Zack's lap, who didn't protest, and flipped to the Discovery Channel. He leaned purposefully back into the sofa cushions, hoping that the roars of angry male elephant combat would drown out the annoying _humming _noises coming from Zack's side of the couch.

"I thought I asked you to stop looking at me." Cody paused, then couldn't help adding: "And wipe that grin off your face before I _smack_ it off!"

A whistle issued from the seat next to Cody's, followed by a cackle."Come now, is not the answer!"

Cody silently counted backwards from ten. When he was done, he was mildly depressed to find his bi-polar _twit_ sitting next to him Not to mention _bi-polar_. That showed him for trying to be the nice twin!

Cody continued to fume silently, concentrating on the animal brawls taking place on the screen rather than look at the burping animal to his right. The two biggest bulls of the herd were preparing to charge one another, and the narrator was talking about how conflicts such as these were often deadly. Cody could go for some violence right about now.

At least he tried to. Zack let out a long-suffering sigh and fidgeted in his seat. He slurped his drink loudly, still looking at his brother. When that failed to get a rise out of Cody, Zack grew meditative.

Several moments passed where the only sounds were that of the events onscreen. But Cody should have known better than to hope Zack had given up, for not half a minute later Zack gave another dramatic sigh, followed by a loud burp.

Cody tried not to pay any attention. But it was _hard_! After a minute or so, Cody gave in and glanced at him from the corner of his eye. He was greatly relieved to see that Zack had finally changed tactics and was no longer staring at him. In fact, he was looking straight ahead at the TV screen, his expression carefully neutral and vaguely pleasant. Curiosity getting the better of him, Cody momentarily allowed himself to focus his whole attention to his brother.

Zack's legs were crossed at the ankle, his now empty soda can held loosely between his thighs. His hands brushed occasionally against the side of the can. They curled in place upon the soda can, straightened out, then curled again. Zack hummed a little, low in his throat, and then began to drum his knuckles faintly against the side of the can, the sound hollow and metallic. _Tap, tap, tap_. Zack paused for a moment, then resumed his rhythm, never once looking away from the television set and looking quite riveted with elephant mating rituals. But Cody knew better.

_Tappity tappity tap. Tap, tap tap, taptaptaptap_. Cody's hands curled into fists on his lap.

_Ignore him, _Cody thought as a vein began to pulse dangerously at his temple. _Just don't let him get to you. He's doing this on _purpose_. You _know_ he's doing it on purpose. He's doing it to make you_—

TAP_. Taptaptaptap_ TAP. TAP. TAPTAPTAPTAPTAP.

"AAAAHHH!" Cody screamed. "THAT'S IT!" He glared at his brother, who was biting his lip and looking straight ahead. Zack turned to look at him.

"What is it, Cody?" Zack asked politely, looking over at him in feigned surprise. Cody's nostrils flared, and it took all of his willpower not to leap across the couch and strangle him. All he had to do was wait. Zack wouldn't be able to last long...

The staring contest continued. Several snickers escaped Zack's wiggling lips. Cody waited. Oh, yes, this would be good.

"HAAA--_gigglesnort_-- YOUR FACE. Cody. OH MY GOD. PRICELESS."

Cody glared at his brother in a fairly good impression of Moesby that one time Zack rode a bicycle over his foot. In the lobby. At 3 AM. During a power-outage. _Which_ had only happened in the first place because Zack had been planning to illegally enter his name into the National Bikers Symposium, that was at the time being hosted by the Tipton.

Cody waited until the grated out as menacingly as he could, "Are you _trying_ to drive me bat-shit insane, or was all this one happy accident?"

"_Oh, _dearest Cody. I don't have to_ try_." Zack smiled sweetly. "Why? Is it working?"

Cody smiled sweetly back. "Magnificently."

* * *

A/N: Hi! So, this is the most edited and updated version of the first chapter to date. The second chapter is coming soon! I didn't like how abruptly this first chapter ended the first time I posted it, so I've tweaked the ending a little bit to make for a smoother transition into the next part of the story.

Thank you SO much for those of you who have reviewed so far! Before I started writing fan fiction I didn't understand why so many authors were complaining about not getting enough reviews—and while you won't see me complaining (I'm just glad you're reading my story at all!) I have found that I rather _like_ getting reviews. So… if you do, I appreciate it, and if you don't, well… Thank you for reading, anyway! I hope you liked it. More is on the way.


End file.
